FOR MY GRANDMOTHER

On 11th June 2007, ard 8.15am, my mum woke me up n then said (in Teochew) “Nia ma khe zou xiang liao…” Meaning my grandmum had passed away…

Shock! My whole body jerked up n “HAR!!!” Yes… my Ahma passed away peacefully in her sleep as my mum confirmed again… In my impression, my Ahma could hv lived up till 98 yrs old as she was a strong lady…

I felt sorry for my father, then deep inside my heart I felt pain n guilt… somehow I felt tt there things tt I’ve not done 4 her…

My grandmum had always wanted to meet my ROM hubby but somehow I didn’t make this happen… When I called my hubby, who was overseas, to inform him, he told me that he dream of a funeral wake and he saw a body of an old lady… Shocking isn’t it! Did my grandmum visit my hubby in his dream?

My parents and relatives decided to hold a five days funeral wake. My father who is the eldest son held alot of responsibilities for this wake. Luckily, he has a wealthy brother who can pay for the necessary expenses first. Many thanks to my youngest uncle!

1^st day of the wake was busy… My mum’s brother i.e. my jiu jiu is incharge of the funeral wake. He is the expert in funeral supplies, customs, rituals, etc. So my mum thot he is the best choice. By evening, pple started to visit the wake and of cause the condolences sum began to flow in as well… Since I’m the eldest son’s daughter, my dad naturally asked me to be in-charge of the money collected. Heh heh…. A few relatives stated to get “red-eyes” when my wealthiest uncle agreed to put me incharge of the money as well… Haa haa… so funny when I saw some1 so much older than me but felt “unbalanced” over this issue….

The following three days were full of challenges for my parents. Not only that they had to make important decisions they also have to play along with some politics with a few of my relatives… There were arrows flying all over for things not done or done not properly. Yes… my parents were feeling stress… esp. when my brother, who is the eldest grandson decided that he would not go thru all the rituals for my grandmum as he chose to do it in his own “Christian” way. This had caused a lot of stress to my parents initially b’cos in Chinese tradition, the eldest grandson is considered as the youngest son of the grandparent, and it is supposed to be a very prestigious position. A few relatives were super happy abt my brother’s choice. Finally, on the 3rd nite, when my parents went home, my mum broke down n cried…. Too stressful and too many arrows were shot at her that night…. The condolences fund, the rituals, her children not present all the time, the duty of the eldest daughter-in-law, etc, there were things pple would say on every thing my mum did.

Woah! Man! Seeing parent cry is 1 of the saddest things on earth! My heart was like stabbed by thousands of knives, so painful & guilty….aaaahhhhh…..

Still, I held myself together, comforted my mum & father…. I couldn’t do anything except convincing them tt 2moro will be a better day. I somehow became a “hero” and told my parents to leave all the political issues on me! Haa haa haa… dunno where I got all the courage… diaozzz… So I volunteered to stay at the wake on the 4^th nite as my parents’ representation since the few relatives claimed tt no 1 else was doing the job…

Then came the 4^th day… When I reached the wake n pay respect to my Ahma, I when directly to thank my relatives for helping taking care of my parents. Most of  the response I got were plastics n I sensed uneasiness from them… heh heh… Instead of them asking y things not, I asked them 1^st, how to go abt doing it? Whose children (my cousins) can help to do it? Who can do the task faster & easier? They shoot arrows, I use their children or spouse to take responsibilities. Hee hee hee hee….  This day was the busiest day as there were rituals n many pple visited the wake.

The whole day till pass mid-nite was full of taiji & qigong… Milton & Metal… Tiring but FUN!!! Haa haa haa… Am I showing off tt I’m good? Not really… I jus wanted justice and fairness to my parents. My late Ahma was power indeed. The nite when I stayed over @ the wake, I got to communicate with most of my cousins (except the few relatives’ off spring). We were never close and never had the chance to really sit together & chat…. This is a rare occasion… I wonder is tis wat my Ahma wanted too?

On the 5^th day, the last day of the wake, the last morning ritual for my grandmum, the last journey that I would be walking with her…. I felt sad & guilty…. I felt the lost of some1 close…. On that day itself I cried like nobody’s business…. Tears jus flush down on my cheek…. I still feel the sadness as I’m typing this…. My Ahma was lying inside the coffin…. That was the last time I could have a good look at her….

In the morning before we leave for the crematorium, it was pouring heavily for hours… the monk advised tt all the sons to pray for forgiveness to my Ahma, to the heaven so that my Ahma can have a smooth journey… True in enough, 45 mins later, the sky was clear n sun appeared. I asked my grandmum for forgiveness, forgave me for not bring my hubby to meet her when she was ard… forgave me for not doing wat I can do….

Finally, the coffin is closed up, the funeral band started to play the music for the death for the last journey where the living shared with the risen one…. The sun was shining brightly, the ground was hot but I felt cold & tired. My tears were uncontrollable as I walk with my late Ahma. I jus kept walking with everyone till we were told to stop and take the coach to the crematorium. That’s the last journey I had wif my late grandmum.

Thank you to all my friends & colleagues who visited the wake. Thank you for your condolences fund and care.

Many lessons & skills learnt thru out the 5 days…. They will all stay in my memory & life.

July 26, 2007. My Thoughts & Me, That's Life!. 2 comments.

May Summary

A few new things I’ve tested out in this mth. 

1^st time 1-2-1 coaching with 2 friends.

1^st time met a “high” net worth prosepct.

1^st time attend a client’s wedding buffet.

1^st time I have –ve feeling abt my unit manager. 

Coaching my friends (outside my coaching community friends) is really exciting! These two experiences I’ve confirmed tt I truly like to coach. Questioning what they want in life, clarifying their outcomes, pushing them to take actions! So POE isn’t it.. Nevertheless, the whole process in 1 session has to be fast… or rather it depends of the person I’m coaching… Both of them have moved on to take on more challenges in life. Both of them got a better paid job with more prospects & challenges. I’m very happy with the outcomes they had achieved for themselves. 

Many thanks to a friend of mine who referred a high net worth to-be prospect to me… However, due to my stubborness, or me jus being me, or so called “my style”, I’ve offended this prospect unintentionally…. I got the deal, then I lost the deal… then someone got e deal… Yes, ouch! Many lessons learned. Very sorry to my friend for her best intention in referring this case to me… I’m more careful now… Yes, it is also abt my flexibilities… in dealings with pple… I wonder when will I b able to b like the grass on e ground… deeply rooted, yet able to bend flexibly with e wind… 

My client invited me to attend his wedding buffet. Thou it is only a buffet but e fact tt he introduced me to his family as his adviser means alot to me. I’ll hv to do more for him… 

So what’s e purpose of writing e above down? I jus want to write down these experiences for they have helped me to grow stronger in 1 way or another.. It may hv weakened me to some extend but I’ll overcome it. I mayb hiding in a shell, lying low but I believe I can hv breakthrus again. All I need is time thou time will never wait 4 me… I may not b very good @ expressing myself when I’m in a shell n lying low… but I’ll still talk… slowly…  I may appear to b troubled, pls jus support me thru hugs n honesty…

July 26, 2007. My Thoughts & Me, That's Life!. 2 comments.